#like obvs a lot of the music in the show is for nostalgia reasons

[reikunrei]

got some little (big) brain worms thinking abt Heroes popping up twice in Stranger Things and how i would not be surprised if it shows up for a third, and probably reading into it a little too much but hey! that’s what this website’s for, babeyyy!

not sure where exactly i’m going with this, but i think i’ll figure it out as i go along. overall, i think the song works very well for the whole show, and many of the lyrics i feel work very well for El’s character, but i’m especially interested in tying it to Mike and Will, too.

i started thinking about this because i remember specifically when it plays in s3, they cut out the lines “And we kissed as though nothing could fall / And the shame, the shame was on the other side” in the final verse, so i wanted to go back and see exactly when that happens, and compare it to when the song shows up in s1, and see if it’s founded to believe that it’ll show up a third time in s5.

obviously, a good deal of the songs in the show are likely for the purpose of nostalgia and fitting the era, but for the big emotional scenes, they have to be considered very closely, I think.

under the cut because uuuuh i don’t know how to be succinct :3 be advised, a lot of this contains endless rambling and tangents bc I wanted to write stuff down as I worked it out in my brain

first!  i want to break down what exactly happens in each of these scenes and my immediate thoughts/interpretations.

Heroes in s1e3:

it starts playing just as the kids roll up on their bikes behind the fire engine to stay hidden from all the cops.

“i will be king” plays as they pull Will’s “body” out of the water and we and everybody else realizes that, yes, this is the Byers kid.

Mike says, “it’s not Will. it can’t be” before/during “though nothing will drive us away.”  in this moment, Mike (and the others) don’t want to believe it’s Will because not even death will drive them apart.

“Oh, we can be heroes” starts when Lucas says that “it’s really Will” and when Mike snaps at El.  she wanted to be the hero, she wanted to help these boys find their friend, she still wants to help them find their friend, she wants to be the hero, but Mike isn’t having it anymore.  he has the understandable knee-jerk reaction of getting angry because he’s so upset thinking he’s lost one of his best friends in the world forever, believing that El deliberately ran them around in a circle (like how he also gets frustrated with her when they go back to the Byers house) because they don’t understand that she’s correct.

Mike is the first one to leave in this scene.  he yells at El, and then picks up his bike and runs off, leaving Lucas, Dustin, and El.

“I can remember / standing by the wall” plays as Jonathan comes up on Joyce running away from their house after the Demogorgon came out of their wall.

“And the guns shot above our heads” plays as Mike gets home, and “And we kissed as though nothing could fall” plays when he reaches out to Karen and weeps into her arms.  this kind of automatically makes me think of all of the boys spending time together, playing dnd, dealing with pretend “guns” and weapons, but reveling in it, having fun, because it’s all just games.  they “kissed” so to speak, they celebrated their fun and their victories, because for them, nothing could go wrong.  except it did this time, and now all of that love is turned painful at this abrupt loss of life and hope.

interestingly, “And the shame, the shame was on the other side” is split between Mike and Karen, and Jonathan and Joyce, both pairs of which are hugging.  maybe Mike is feeling ashamed that he though to trust in Eleven, maybe he’s feeling ashamed that he couldn’t save Will, that maybe he could have saved Will if he had tried to go out on his own rather than humoring this random girl, and he feels guilty for it.  for Joyce, since at this point she doesn’t know that they found Will’s “body” maybe she’s leaving the shame that she’s “crazy” behind.  she saw this thing crawl out of her wall, it’s not just in her head, it’s not just faulty wiring, something is wrong.  and she doesn’t care what anyone thinks, as she later expresses to Jonathan as they leave the morgue, and she insists that she knows she sounds crazy, but she knows she’s right.

before we get into the song in s3, i want to describe the scene leading up to it:

El reading Hopper’s letter to her.

overall he explains that while life hurts sometimes, that means you’re alive.  in the end, you’ll only hurt more if you ignore all of the pain, because that just makes you apathetic. you get “stuck in one place, in a cave, you might say.  A deep dark cave” because once you ignore the hurt, you don’t feel much of anything at all.

he expresses how it hurts to see her growing, changing, becoming distant (which is also what he says during the focus in on Mike as they leave the Byers’ house on their bikes, but hey, let’s not get too distracted here!) and that scares him more than anything else.  because he doesn’t want things to change, even though he knows it’s inevitable.

he then goes on to hammer home that it’s good to keep changing, to keep moving, and nobody should stop her.  she should make mistakes, learn from them, and remember the hurt.

then, the song starts.

Heroes in s3e8:

it begins playing right as El finishes reading Hopper’s letter, and it picks up on the “I will be king” line.  i think the “king” in question is the sentiment he expresses in his letter.

“you will be queen” is sung over El as she assures Joyce that she’s okay.  this feels too literal, but i’m a snotty crying mess after watching the scene again so i can’t really think too much rn, but i do think that El is the “queen” in question.

“Though nothing will drive us away / We can beat them forever and ever.”  even though things might keep dragging them back down, they have to keep beating back those monsters, both literal and metaphorical. they have to beat back the Upside Down, but they also have to beat back their trauma because of it. they have to deal with it rather than ignore it.  they won’t let the apathy take them over. they might yearn for things to go back to the way they were before any of this happened, but what would be the point in that?  it would be the same as being apathetic.

i also love the “we can be heroes just for one day” line in relation to El, specifically because of this idea she has in her head of being a hero vs a monster.  in this context, it almost feels like she’s trying to assure herself that she doesn’t have to be the hero.  she doesn’t have to be this big, powerful, amazing person all the time (like Mike and the others have painted her out to be, despite how that will ultimately hurt her more).  she’s allowed to be a hero “just for one day,” and for no more.

this also makes me think of how so much of s3 was about El overusing her powers, and that scaring Mike because they don’t know what it’ll do to her.  like, they end up relying on El again and again, making her be the hero, always saying how “this’ll be easy because the girl with superpowers is on our side!” when constantly putting her up on this pedestal led to her ultimate crash and burn.  she is allowed to be a hero “just for one day.”

the switch to “we can be us just for one day” is also interesting, because it makes me think of them longing to just be allowed to live again, to be kids.  especially in relation to El and Will.  El has only recently been allowed to live a “normal” life, and Will had his “normal” life ripped away from him, but neither of them will ever get that normalcy back in its entirety, despite their yearning for it.

and then we get to the final verse.  all of this pans across Jonathan closing the moving truck door and Joyce looking back into the house one last time before locking the door.  they’ve endured so much trauma in that house, and in this context (again taken very literally) the lyrics are driving home that the Byers have been through hell, but they will continue to “beat them forever and ever” and power through the change and the hurt along with the other characters.

and the part that got me thinking about this at all: the removal of those two lines.

“And we kissed as though nothing could fall / And the shame, the shame was on the other side.”

right away, those two lines are the most hopeful to me.  "we can be heroes just for one day” always sounds more like a plea to me, it sounds desperate, but “And we kissed as though nothing could fall” just screams that love is the answer, and feeling the hurt makes the joy so much richer.  everything could be going to shit around them, but that “kiss” will save them every single time.

“And the shame, the shame was on the other side.”  they’re allowing themselves to feel all of their feelings without trying to hide any of it.  they’re moving on from trying to keep themselves buttoned up.  moving and changing and growing might be messy, painful, they might make mistakes, but that’s okay.  they don’t have to be ashamed of any change that comes their way.

but neither of these lines appear in s3.  how come?  i know that the decision could purely be because they wanted to trim down on time, but just a few seconds...?  especially when the final verse played all the way through in s1?  who knows how far ahead they were thinking when they made s1, but the Duffers seem to do everything very deliberately, so, at the very least, it was a deliberate choice to remove those 2 lines from s3.

compare and contrast:

in s1, the song plays over the whole party.  in s3, the song mostly plays over El and the Byers, most specifically Joyce and Jonathan. however, Joyce and Jonathan are also present in both s1 and s3.

in both instances, Hopper is a big part of the lead-up into the song.

in both instances, the song comes in on the lyric “I will be king.”

in both instances, there’s an emphasis on acceptance.  in s1, it’s about the boys accepting that their friend is really dead, but also about Joyce finally accepting the severity of the situation she’s in, and accepting that she’s gonna sound crazy even when she’s right. in s3, they’re accepting that they have to move on, that they have to keep growing and changing, and they can’t remain stuck in one place, otherwise they’ll only get hurt, even if the change also hurts.

“oh, we can be heroes just for one day” plays most often over shots of El in both scenes (minus the final shot of each scene, both of which have Joyce (and Jonathan) as the final lyric plays out).

branching off of the above point, i find it interesting that i had different interpretations of the same lyrics between both seasons.  in s1, she (and the boys) wanted to be heroes and save Will.  in s3, it feels very much like El wants to stop being the hero, that they all want things to go back to “normal.” although, you could also argue that she wants to be the hero again, meaning to get her powers back.

while in s3 the shots of Mike don’t take place during the song, he has similar moments in both seasons: we see his pain the most out of the other characters with scenes dedicated to him in the aftermath, and in both cases he goes home to his mom and asks for her comfort.  in contrast, he’s the first to leave in s1 and the last to leave in s3. also in contrast, he’s visibly crying in s1, while he isn’t in s3.

and, the final point that got this whole ramble started: removing “And we kissed as though nothing could fall / And the shame, the shame was on the other side” from s3.

in the context of El:

I’ve already said this a few times, but the “we could be heroes” line always jumps out as distinctly El to me, especially because of her insistence in being the “hero” rather than the “monster.” she wants to be the hero so badly, she wants to save her friends, but it doesn’t come as naturally to her as she wants it to. this isn’t any fault of her own, it’s just how life works, nothing will be as neat as she wants it to be, but it makes her desperate for it.

“We could be heroes just for one day” as I said before has always sounded like a plea to me. whether it be read as “let me just be a hero for one day and nothing more” or “please I want to be a hero so bad” they’re both desperate pleas for something. and I think El is desperate for both.

in the context of Mike:

I didn’t actually start thinking about his relation to this song on his own until I started writing this up, but I think it’s super interesting, and sort of obvious once you realize how prevalent he is in both scenes.

Mike is a big fixture in both scenes.

in s1, he’s the one who gets upset, certain that it’s not Will’s body, and goes home to weep in his mother’s arms as the (false) reality sets in. we see the rest of the kids upset, we see Lucas and Dustin beginning to grieve, but the focus is on Mike.

I feel like it’s also obvious that he, too, wanted to be the hero in s1. he and the others were so certain that the adults didn’t have the whole picture, and they were determined to find Will on their own without help.

in s3, while he’s not a main aspect during the song actually playing, the lead up to it ends up focusing on him a fair amount (hesitating as all of his friends get on their bikes to leave, him being the only one to look back at the house before riding off, him going home and falling into his mother’s arms again. though, notably, he’s not weeping this time, he just looks... empty).

he also did many heroic things in s3, like taking on Billy in the Sauna Test, trying to convince everyone that El should ease up on her powers, always physically protecting her and his other friends.

most notably, though, Mike is the only one we see a further reaction from after the fact.  we get long, dedicated moments to emphasizing his pain at losing someone, and the one consistency in that loss is Will.

this leads me back to the two missing lines, and how they remained in s1 when the only person Mike lost was Will, and how they were removed in s3 when he was losing both Will and El.

two thoughts with this:

1) maybe the lines were removed because, as i said before, those lines feel the most hopeful out of the whole song.  and in s3, because he’s losing his best friend and his girlfriend in the same instant, he’s lost his hope.  matched with the fact that he isn’t crying like he was in s1, he’s falling into that cave of apathy that Hopper warned El about.

2) maybe the lines were removed because, even though the whole season had Mike and El dealing with their romance, she’s not the one he should have been kissing in the end.

b-b-b-b-bonus 3) it’s both at the same time.

and so we finally get to the song in the context of Will and Mike as a duo:

the song as a whole, but especially the final verse, and more especially those two lines, I feel like are extremely closely tied to Mike and Will as a pair because of how the lyrics appear (or don’t) in the show.

a lot of what we saw of Mike in s4 was him being wishy-washy.  he’s unsure of himself, finding himself not as emotionally mature as El and Will, and being stuck in forcing himself not to feel his strong feelings for El (and Will).  obviously, we see this most explicitly with El in s4, with him being afraid to tell her he loves her because he thinks it’ll hurt when she “inevitably” decides she doesn’t need him anymore, but we’ve established that the hurt is good!  he just hasn’t learned that lesson yet!  he’s scared of feeling so much, but that’s coming to bite him in the ass.  not only because it’s greatly unfair to his friends, but also because it’s unfair to himself. it’s stunting him, and he’s unable to keep growing and changing like he’s supposed to because he’s trying to keep things exactly as they were/are.

when we get to his feelings for Will, obviously we have nothing explicitly stated right now.  but we can infer that there is something going on in Mike’s thick skull, and maybe we’ll get something more concrete in s5.  i think it’s safe to say, though, that he feels shame.  he feels shame at not being able to tell El he loves her, and he’s ashamed that he can’t tell Will how he truly feels.  and i think, if he is queer, he will feel ashamed of that, too.

but we all know they (the Duffers) won’t let him wallow in that.

Will also feels shame. he’s terrified of being true and open about his own feelings, always hiding behind El in s4, but we can see that he’s accepted his feelings to some degree. he knows he’s in love with Mike, and he’s accepted it, fear and shame and all. he’s already one step ahead of Mike in terms of emotional maturity in this department, and I think he’ll be the one to get Mike to really open up. Will will be the one to have Mike dissect himself, to look inward and acknowledge all of his strong feelings, and embrace them. Will will show Mike that it’s okay to feel shame, they don’t have to shove it all down and pretend to be “normal.” only when they acknowledge their feelings, including the shame, will they be able to grow as people and as characters.

I feel that it would be a disservice to not have the song show up again, with those two missing lines added back in. I feel like the fact that they decided to put the song in twice is already evidence enough to think it could show up again, but the fact that they cut out those two lines of the last verse feels like we were meant to take it into consideration, and assume that it will appear in s5 again, hopefully now with those two hopeful lines tucked back in to remind us what the core of the show really is.

i believe Will and Mike, while the world is growing darker around them, will “[kiss] as though nothing could fall” and they will leave their shame “on the other side.”  they will express their love for one another, come to accept their growth and their changes, no matter how scary it might be to embrace who they truly are, and they will be unbeatably strong for it.

but alas, I am ready to be proven wrong now that I’ve jinxed it and the song will never show it’s face again :-)

[batsinurbelfrey]

M I'm curious about your Finnish learning because you're the only person I've ever seen actively learning Finnish and that's super rad to me. Mostly the how? but also the why?

Awww Kiitos anon! thanks for Finding my linguistic endeavors rad, I think most would alternatively call it "questionable time management" xD Both the how and the why are kind of convoluted and A Long Story so buckle in haha (sorry it took me so long to reply, you are about to see why) So for some reason for me, Finnish has always been Around™ one way or another in my life trying to get me to learn it even though none of my direct family are native speakers lol. It started when I was very little, my dad raised us on any Moomin content he could get because he was enamored by them, at some point along the line in late 90s ebay adventuring, he THOUGHT he had found an english dub of the tv show, and ordered a box set, turned out it was a Finnish dub and my dad is illiterate. But as a poor single father he was determined to get his money's worth so he would still put it on for us semi regularly and just gave us this adult trickery speech about how the show was "magic" because we could "make our own story" for it and re-invent episodes infinitely. Anyway, it meant there was a lot of ambient Finnish around the house when i was a kid xD (and i think this may also be why i find the sound of it so pleasant? maybe? like some kinda subconscious nostalgia? lol) Then for a while I was just vibin' i grew out of Moomin age and spent Grade school and HS studying French, Spanish, and to lesser success japanese and icelandic (it should be mentioned I have a bit of a hunger for linguistics if thats not already clear PFFT) when i got to college however, I developed a bit of a crush on an intl student in a few of my classes, and wouldn't you know it we ended up becoming friends and she asked me for tutoring in regards to photoshop, and just so happened to offer to barter Finnish tutoring as payment. And i jumped at it kuz it seemed like it could lead to us dating (it didnt LOL but its all good) She's the person that got me into music and taught me about memes tho hahah after college I stopped again for a bit, and it wasn't until quarantine hit that I decided like many ppl it was time to get back into language learning. Ironically enough I had initially set out to pick ICELANDIC back up and NOT Finnish but around that same time I dug back into an old Finnish textbook because I wanted to write ONE sentence for a joke about the Dallas Stars Finnmaf, and--- Suomalainen kieli just sank its claws into me and didnt let go. So I pivoted LOL as for the HOW, there was obvs the 1:1 tutoring before, but as far as the last few years I did a combination of things: - Drops language app this is a great way to start and i much prefer it to duolingo - https://uusikielemme.fi/ this site is AMAZING for grammar and actual learning info outside vocab - Reddit threads//youtube videos and then honestly, while this is harder to like recommend as an easy "you can too!" after about 3 months of brushing back up on my own, I decided it was time to dedicate to actual classes, and tracked down a teacher to work with me weekly. This is really what made the big difference for me and has been the key to the progress ive made!

[neptrabbit]

So. Here are some of my personal thoughts on ith movie. since this post is LONG, most of the thoughts are leaning towards criticism & ofc it contains spoilers so imma put my bad takes under cut. they’re my personal, subjective opinion, so it’d be normal if you agree/disagree. anyways, you’ve been warned.

The opening song

stage performance & movies are two VERY different media, so unavoidably they had to make many changes to adapt the musical to big screen. One thing they were trying to adapt was the breaking the fourth wall narration in the opening song. they changed the setting of a lot of these lines to Usnavi telling a bunch of kids in an unknown future timeline abt Washington Heights. I personally am not a fan of this decision. the cut between the two different timelines in that 8 min release got me pretty confused & taken out & that feeling did not change much when i was watching the movie either. in the course of the movie, suddenly cutting to future timeline breaks the flow & consistency of the narrative for me, esp since the future scenes rlly aren’t that long. Ik it's for the reveal in the end. I still don't like it.

Choreography

the choreography & cinematography by themselves are hella fantasitc. there’re VERY pretty scenes and choreography, esp during songs. from top of my head i can name a few: the reflection of dancing in the opening song, the running scene in It Won’t Be Long Now, the pool scene (with Vanessa floating on a life saver in the middle) in 96000, THE FUCKING ENTIRETY OF PACIENCIA Y FE, the dancing in The Club, the horizontal dancing scene in When The Sun Goes Down, etc. But a lot of the scenes, esp those that involve group dancing, seems a bit out of place when they seem to take place in the real world rather than on stage. This is prolly another demonstration of the difference in the media of stage performance & movies. I had a hard time to suspend my disbelief, and the movie trying to place some of the dancing in the actual narrative rlly didn’t make it better for me.

(at first I thought for some reason the pool scene in 96000 was everyone’s imagination coming together & was looking forward to it. I did not expect it to actually take place in a pool in the movie & they even used a whole sequence of them going to the pool to show them going to the pool to set it up. So is the dancing in the intro. i did not expect an overhead shot to reveal that it actually happened. Moments like these gave me serious pauses & made me unable to rlly appreciate the fantastic cinematography & choreography.)

bc of the reason i stated & the fact the movie is so centered around these songs & the plot gets cut by the narration from the future, this movie kinda strikes me as a series of well-made music videos connected by loose plots & themes rather than an actual movie.

Plot change

as we all are aware, they made several choices regarding the plot. 

changing nina’s reason to leave Stanford from unable to take care of school & jobs to provide for her living at the same time to experience of racism. i’m personally not a fan of this change - i am not implying that racism is not an issue that poc experience daily. It’s just, I expected a more nuanced discussion on racism & identity in a movie centered around a socially & financially marginalized minority group than a few lines of “my roommate lost her shit so her & RA searched me”, “the school board thought i was a waitress at diversity dinner”, “the waiters looked at me in the looks that question if i am with them”, and “i felt lonely and without a community there”. They are pretty superficial considering their impact in the story. tbh the line “when i was younger i’d imagined what would happen if my parents had stayed in Puerto Rico” did a much better job to capture the identity crisis that first gen immigrant children go thru and gave me more emotional impacts than all the horrible things stanford did to nina. 

deleting Hundreds of Stories and putting Paciencia y Fe right before abuela’s death. i understand it’s a narrative choice bc they decided to reveal that abuela won the lottery later & make it that Usnavi had saved to move to DR in the beginning. in the changed lyrics of Paciencia y Fe we also had a peak of abuela’s struggle of deciding whether to leave or stay in Washington Heights. which is nice. but putting that song right before abuela dies rlly makes her conflicting feelings unimportant to the story... maybe the leave or stay refers to her dying, but she doesn’t rlly have much of a choice either way, does it. she’s just.. kinda like some characters in anime.. whose tragic backstory is narrated right before they die to get the readers emotional... but in a pretty song sequence... the choreography & lighting is very pretty tho. gotta give credit where it’s due.

Sonny’s subplot. i rewatched the movie and realized that there was some foreshadowing of his illegal status in the beginning when Daddy Sonny was talking to Usnavi, but tbh it was quite easy to miss.. so i was a bit surprised when they brought up Sonny’s subplot when there was only 45 min left of the movie. that was not enough time to fully develop this plot, esp given that time is used for other subplots too. we know Sonny is very aware of the politics & is sorta an activist, but him wanting to be like Nina & wanting to get into college wasn’t established earlier, so that part following the protest scene feels a bit flat.

Other things

I’ve seen the discussion of the film’s lack of rep of Afro-Latinos, but I am not the most qualified person to talk abt the experience of Afro-Latino community. I’m keeping my ears open and learning on this subject. 

I liked that they made Daniela & Carla a couple and was excited when i heard the news. The movie itself was not rlly explicit on their relationship tho - there were scenes of Carla pulling Daniela outta bed in the beginning & their dancing. but tbh the fact that they added a third Salon lady, Cuca, who’s always hanging around, makes D&C relationship harder to notice. Im not gonna say blink and you’ll miss it, but it’s pretty easy to miss. obv their relationship has nothing to do w the main plot, but eh. wished it was more explicit.

Tl;dr: i think they have a lot of interesting ideas that they didn’t explore fully so the movie feels a bit all over the place. this goes for Vanessa’s hope to become a fashion designer, Nina’s experience of racism & identity crisis, Sonny’s illegal status. Loved Daniela and the songs tho. Piragua song’s funny as hell. A bit sad they didn’t paint abuela in the finale :(

i am familiar w the source material & liked it a TON but i don’t like it enough to feel nostalgia.. so i can’t go in there with a fresh mind & see it without comparing it to the original, and neither do i hold so much affection for it that i can happily ignore the defects. so honestly i’m probably in the group that has the worst experience watching it

also: pls lmm i beg u pls don’t make a live action adaption of hamilton, pls

[cbspams]

iKON - Love Scenario + Killing Me

I'll specifically be referring to each member by the name they're using in Kingdom subtitles, so like Jinhwan instead of Jay, Donghyuk instead of DK etc.

Damn these are long lol, thank god for read more cuts

Sarangeul haetdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 🎶🎶🎶

I'm honestly so happy they did Love Scenario. I mean it's one of their most famous songs for sure but like, I would've been really sad if it wasn't performed at least once on Kingdom I think, just because I was so curious how they would spin it.

I will say that I would not consider this performance as a "mash up". Now in Round 2 the only groups who do mashups are iKON and SKZ as far as I'm aware, so I'm also taking some of the mash ups used in RTK (Pentagon - Shine/Spring Snow, ONF - We Must Love/Moscow Moscow, It's Raining) as reference to why I would personally call this a "set" rather than a "mash up".

So Love Scenario is a pretty classic mellow song, one which is beloved for obvious reasons of being fun and cheerful but in a quieter, soft vibes way. I loved that they took the melody and made it even more cheerful, adding in those trumpet/saxophone tones and bumping it up to a musical tone song. I especially appreciate that they made it so bright because the other performances are so dark (ATEEZ included, though theirs was more forceful and powerful than dark). It's just really refreshing to hear.

Going back to mash ups though, I'm not sure if I could consider this a mash up in my mind? Here's the thing, I don't actually consider Shine/Spring Snow (Pentagon) or We Must Love/Moscow Moscow (ONF) as mash ups wither. To me, those are more like "sets", in which the songs have similar vibes or transition really well into each other. Shine/Spring Snow being a special stage to send of Jinho, the transition wasn't just a musical flow through but a small "cut". I can't really judge this one as a mash up because it's not a performance for the stage but for the heart but if you watch it, you can clearly see where Shine ends and where Spring Snow begins right? Even if the songs bled into each other though, the way they arranged Shine and Spring Snow, I think it would've been a flawless transition in.

Separately, consider ONF's spliced set in which they do nearly all of We Must Love and then tag Moscow Moscow in towards the end lyrically. Because both songs carry different vibes originally, the arrangement became really important in order to splice the songs together and make the transition seamless. And that arrangement did a wonderful job! If I didn't watch those songs beforehand, I wouldn't even have been able to tell that there were two songs in the performance.

So then what's a mash up? A mash up in my mind is more similar to SKZ's Jasin or ONF's It's Raining. It's where the songs and melodies are arranged together, splicing together lyrics and melodies to become one song completely. There's no telling where one song ends and another begins because they're integrated together. ONF's It's Raining is actually a really cool example of this, where they mashed up It's Raining (Rain) with their own song Complete. They keep all the lyrics of It's Raining but add in their own jaunty vibe with the fun saxophone, changing the song entirely. Similarly, SKZ's Jasin (which I will also analyze later), has God's Menu and Side Effects spliced together to become a new song. Obviously SKZ's is different from ONF as SKZ produce and arrange their own songs already, but the end result is the same: a completely new song despite carrying lyrics and melodies from the components.

In this way, I would define iKON's performance as a "set" over a "mash up". The songs align together to tell a story and have a relatively seamless transition, but they do not incorporate each other to become a new song. I think that as far as arrangements go, this is decent and like in Shine/Spring Snow or We Must Love/Moscow Moscow, it's not a bad idea but it feels "weaker" because it's more like just lining the songs up together instead of actually "mashing" the songs together.

Wow that's a lot of talk on something that's not even actually the performance kdjfhk

BACK TO IT.

Because their theme is a breakup and dealing with what comes after, I think their intro is incredibly strong. Like the others said in the episode itself, Bobby's opening shot captures attention immediately. I love that they used a sort of, older black and white movie set with and actual The End card. I think the kind of jazzy vibes go right with that opening shot, the set designer and costumer definitely knew what kind of image they were going for. The movie end card as well as the girl disappearing clearly defines the performance as a breakup illustration, and the mellow vibes perfectly fit the kind of nostalgia that Love Scenario talks about. For anyone who doesn't know, Love Scenario is actually a post-breakup song that reminisces on the good times they had in the relationship. Bobby's verse in particular mentions that it's good they cut it off when they did, even though it hurts.

I also want to mention that I love how individual Bobby is. It's clear in every performance that he's a quirky one and I'm really impressed how he carries it in each performance, because this performance requires more cohesion as a story and yet he still adds little flairs of his own to make the performance more engaging and also more representative of iKON's hip hop style.

Donghyuk's acting and dance sequence flows so well! It's smooth, tells a small story of how they were close but drifting apart and I think his flair with the trench coat works wonderfully as far as visual effects go. There's just something so satisfying about watching the coat go whoosh hehe

THE CHORUS!!! Yo this totally reminds me of like, old broadway in the 1920's. The gold lights, jazzy tone, even the trench coats which I believe are iconic of old movie detectives and gentlemen-esque figures. Kinda reminds me of like black and white detective movies? The thing is, even if you don't know exactly what the outfits and such remind you of, the fact that they invoke that memory is awesome. I love costume design specifically because you don't always have to be detail for detail. It's enough if you can invoke a specific image in the mind of the audience. Junhoe really rocks the look in particular.

The choreography is also very reminiscent of musical theater! Obviously all of kpop is coordinated to be group based and there's always been formations that are similar to what iKON did, however the slide and arms out movement is very much so a musical theater thing. The flashing hands thing is as well! They really nailed down the idea of musical theater, and I love that so much! It's a sort of genre bend you might not expect from kpop but iKON's out here showing you that it is possible.

I love the lighting sequence. The blue and purple are so good, and once again it just invokes that older musical theater style because even as there's color, there's also a lot of clear white/yellow light. Choosing just two colors can be really impactful as the fewer colors there are, the more concentrated the stage looks. Consider for example, Pentagon's Follow stage in RTK. Choosing to only go with gold light and then using other lights as accents really enhanced the theme as well as made the stage easier to follow. Humans are designed to track movement and flashing, so having fewer things to distract us means we focus more on iKON's performance and less on the entire set.

I'll skip to the transition here just because the rest of the muscial theater sequence is very similar to what I've already said.

The transition is a bit jarring if I'm being honest. I think the fact that everyone else reacted like ?! as well means that the transition isn't as smooth as it could have been, especially considering the next song is Killing me. I mean it's pretty straight forward story wise: you fall in love, you undergo the break up and you're hurt but you're happy that you loved. But then still you feel regret and pain because you broke up. I think what would've made this smoother was if DK had one more dance sequence with the female dancer from the beginning. If she walks away from him and then he falls to the floor and has that heartbeat moment, I think that would've helped ease into the next song much easier.

The fact that they end on the line You’re too precious to just leave in the past though is a good transition point. It then bleeds into how in Killing Me, the lingering memories stick deeply. So lyrically it makes a lot of sense. I just don't like how the arrangement just switches off so suddenly, from cheerful jazz to then a rain fall heart beat thing. There's just something missing in between, visually or auditorily.

Something I've noticed about iKON is that they really like using their arms. In Rhythm Ta (intro stage), this stage and later in Inception (Round 2), iKON always has a dance sequence that involves moving arms, kind of like snakes? But as trees? Tree branches as snakes? Yeah. But I literally adore this kind of consistency. It's really cool to watch especially because as the rounds go on, they do it with more people so like obv the 100 sec intro was just the members of iKON but then round 1 had more and then round 2 was literally so many people!! It creates such a cool visual effect! For this performance, I do wish the lighting wasn't as dark as it was. I think some flashing black light would've made this awesome but it's still cool as it is.

PLEASE THE DANCE BREAK IS SO CLEAN. The move where Yunhyeong moves his arms in a circle and the members mirror that (screen left goes from low to high while screen right goes from high to low) is really pleasing to see. I could already tell from the 100 sec intro performance but iKON is has really good bounce to their movement. They pull off the isolation and popping that everyone else does but they do it so smoothly.

I think part of what gives iKON their bounce and flow is that when they stop for a second, it's very clean. There's no extra wobbling that happens with others. And again I really do think their dedicating to using their arms in wide gestures helps contribute to that contrast, because when you go wide movement to stop to wide movement again, your eyes get tricked into thinking the stop is a lot smoother than it could actually be.

I already could tell from before but Donghyuk and Jinhwan really are amazing dancers. Donghyuk is a master of more technical aspects but Jinhwan is really elegant in his moves? That little body roll he does just before Chanwoo's part is so good.

Chanwoo's acting!! Specifically his lines go "Why did I meet her? / Why did I choose this break up?" And then the next part that they all sing in is "I loved her to death / The extinguished fire is burning up again" which makes the fire lighting up so much more obvious. I also think that the fire stand area kind of looks like a coffin so lighting it on fire is a way of mourning the relationship? It visually looks awesome and connects really well to the story line itself, especially since it's a very intense moment to a soft drop in the song. Contrast creates focus!!

And then we have the literally name brand stuff iKON is made out of: bouncing hip hop. It fits them so well, it really does!

Gosh okay I know iKON hasn't been ranking very high and on initial impact, they honestly rank about mid to low for me as well but the more I watch their performances, the more I recognize bits and pieces of artistry they put into their performances. I really start to think like, no wonder they have so many award winning songs. I'm not really sure if they're suited to the way that this competition show works? Because I think first impressions are everything, and although obviously the kingdom judges will understand the lyricism and view the set designs and such more clearly, iKON's performances are still better suited to being watched repeatedly. Their first impression is always good but curiously not enough as far as initial impact goes. It's kind of like it just sticks to you so you want to see it over and over again. Which is really not great for competition shows like this where first impression and impact are everything, which I get but also it lowkey sucks because you miss a lot of details and it sort of forces everyone into the highly impactful performances rather than nuanced ones.

I've mentioned this before but because Kingdom has so much more for set design, costumes, lighting, it can be really distracting from the groups themselves. I think iKON actually does really well with having "still" sets, in which they're the focus, but I feel like that leads to more people picking out their flaws? I dunno, I really like iKON's performances so much and yet I can't find it in my heart to rank them higher than 3rd at any given point. I do just think it's the style of competition.

STILL, it means so much that they stick to their own identity rather than conform to Kingdom's standards. And clearly as they rise through the ranks, more people are recognizing that. So iKON! Fighting!!

[xiaolindude]

xs or tts!

Send me series and I’ll tell you my:

U GET BOTH.

XS

Favorite character

oBVS RAI

Second favorite character

i love clay, kimiko, dojo, jack and wuya sO SO MUCH. THEY’RE ALL MY SECOND FAVOURITE. it changes quite a lot but if i had to pick just one i guess i’d go with jack?

Least favorite character

i’m not a big fan of chase tbh, and The Bean is a dumb dumb.

The character I’m most like

listen rai is easy to write bc. we are. essentially the same person. i mean he’s cooler than i am and has powers but the mindset and thought processes and fears and stuff? spookily similar. i think i watched the show at 6 years old and was like ‘that one is my favourite so i’m gonna subconsciously adopt his personality’ lmfao

Favorite pairing

i used to ship kimiko and raimundo a lot as a kid but now i much prefer them as Best Friends. i love my raijack with all my soul but a Very Specific Brand of raijack, and not in a canon sense. I don’t think i really ship anything properly in a canon sense

Least favorite pairing

i really really dislike ch.ack. like a lot. 

Favorite moment

when people underestimate rai and he fucks their shit up and they’re like ‘... oh’. idk man there are so many moments i love! i love whenever kimiko or clay get to shine for once. e.g. in ‘like a rock’ where clay won his showdown by just... being nice to that bird?? what a fukin sweetheart omg

WAIT THIS MOMENT WAS SUPER POIGNENT AND IMPORTANT TO ME AS A KID. rai being like “I know! I’m the only not apprentice! But you brought me here because you knew I could become the Dragon of Wind! If I’m ever gonna learn to be who I can be, people are gonna have to trust me”.

LIKE. this is a kid who has some BIG failings and made some BIG mistakes, but is fighting so hard to try and make up for them. and he’s been kicked REPEATEDLY because of these mistakes, again and again, especially in this episode. and his biggest canonical fear is not being good enough! and yet here this poor kid is, standing up for himself, showing up for himself, acknowledging he’s not there yet and he’s got work to do, but also believing in himself enough to stand up for his right to be trusted to try. like?????? i just. dang. that Hit Hard and still does

Rating out of 10

honestly 9/10 season 3 got kinda weird and some characters were done dirty but i mean it IS a kids show and it’s got a lot of childhood nostalgia so i’m not tHAT mad also who approved xc i just wanna talk

TTS: 

Favorite character

EUGENE OFC

Second favorite character

lanceeeee, my underrated angel

Least favorite character

big oof. ummmm Calliope ig ? 

The character I’m most like

eugene with a pinch of cass and a lil’ sprinkling of varian. and a little bit of willow

Favorite pairing

New Dreaaammmmmm

Least favorite pairing

c.assunzel for sure. also cassarian for obvious reasons

Favorite moment

the songs bc they’re (almost) all bops. idk man, i’ve made a lot of posts on my eugene blog detailing a bunch of my fave moments but i can’t pinpoint one in my head rn for some reason. i love every lance and eugene interaction bc i loVE STUPID BROTHERS.

Rating out of 10

probably 7/10. i hate season 3 for the most part but seasons 1 and 2 are solid, the music is AMAZING, the art is beautiful and the story is fun. i just despised cass’ s3 arc, what they did to rapunzel’s character and the way eugene was treated so poorly by the writers so they could focus on their new characters instead :/// I am Bitter. but overall it’s super fun and gave us a lot of great stuff

[loseyoutoloveme]

can you do a rundown/review of every song on folklore like you've done for selena? and what your current top 5 are??

considering this is officially one of my top 3 favourite albums ever i’m v happy to 😌! warning, absolutely every single song will be ranked 10/10

thank for wanting to know my thoughts :( i can’t believe anybody would volunteer to read this JDNSKSDJKDS

first of all, my top 5 is probbbbably gonna change (maybe not tho bc my lover top 5 hasn’t really changed a lot), but for now, i think it’s: august > seven > mad woman > illicit affairs > mirrorball

THE 1:

ngl my very first thought was that it reminded me of same love by macklemore skdjdskjdskjsd but not in a bad way!

literally some of the prettiest lyrics, i knew just from this song that this would top red as her best lyrically (best album in general)

honestly just rly sad and sweet and one of those songs that has such a universal sound i feel?

also the simplest song of the album lyrically (also not in a bad way, just like objectively this is the easiest subject matter on the album with the least opaque lyrics), so a really good opener

best lyrics: “we never painted by the numbers baby but we were making it count/you know the greatest loves of all time are over now” and “we were something don’t you think so/roaring twenties tossing pennies in the pool/and it my wishes came true it would’ve been you”

a cute girl, 10/10

CARDIGAN:

i was surprised by the darkish sound of this one

idk what that like clanking sound in the background is but i find it a lil distracting in the first half of the song - but if i ever find out what it is and it has some symbolic meaning/purpose for being there (i assume it does) i’ll accept it sdjknsd

i love the nostalgia that is so present in like almost every song on this album :(

also the music video is stunning and frames the entire album in the most interesting way, metaphor-wise

best lyrics: “i knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss/knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs/the smell of smoke would hang around this long/cause i knew everything when i was young/i knew i’d curse you for the longest time/chasin’ shadows in the grocery line/i knew you’d miss me when the thrill expired/and you’d be standing in my front porch light/and i knew you’d come back to me”

10/10

THE LAST GREAT AMERICAN DYNASTY:

love this one bc it’s like a nice lil exhale in an album filled with angst, like it’s cute and boppy without being aggressive

i’m suddenly absolutely obsessed with rebekah harkness, particularly the “bitch pack” thing and her dyeing someone’s dog green

i love taylor’s storytelling and i love how that’s always been a big part of her approach to songwriting. this is taylor at her best narration, like starlight but so much better. this is a type of songwriting that is so underused these days, esp by mainstream artists and i love so much that she has always used it and been so invested in it

the pronoun change made me screech. sooo goooood

taylor’s obv a deeply autobiographical artist which is why it’s so incredible to hear her tell OTHER people’s stories and somehow make them so her own. like i think it’s mostly the english major in me that just gets so emotional over that...... the way that other people’s stories became our own through the way we tell them......

this song is def the one that is most explicit about the album’s theme of telling stories but ones that tell something about her (and about her listeners too), by switching to personal pronouns at the end. it sets up a pattern for the rest of the album, where each song is about one thing (the actual story she’s telling) but also about a bunch of other things.

a good example of why she’s the greatest songwriter of this generation

best lyrics: “there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen/she had a marvelous time ruining everything”

10/10

EXILE:

bon iver’s voice was a full shock to the system the first time i listened and idk why sdkjnds it is just so deep and i was not at all expecting it esp after the cuteness of tlgad

anyway these lyrics are GORGEOUS

i love a duet where the 2 singers’ lyrics are meant to be directed at each other. is there a word for that type of duet idk but it always makes a duet infinitely better

the miscommunication exemplified in the bridge...... chef’s kiss heartbreaking

out of all the songs this is the one that makes me feel the most like i am in the middle of a forest in winter. i can already picture myself listening to this song in december with the sound of a crackling fire in the background mmmmmmmm my exact vibe

best lyrics: “you’re not my homeland anymore/so who am i defending now?/you were my town, now i’m in exile seeing you out” and “i’m not your problem anymore/so who am i offending now?”

10/10

MY TEARS RICOCHET:

this chorus BRRROOOOKE ME

writing songs presumably about the masters situation and framing them as breakup songs was absolutely galaxy brain

i feel like the image of tears ricocheting has like a million layers to it and is just suuuuch a smart metaphor

also just such a visually rich song ? so is every song on the album but the metaphors of this song are all just so visual

best lyrics: “i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace/and you’re the hero flying around saving face/and if i’m dead to you why are you at the wake?” and “i can go anywhere i want/anywhere i want, just not home”

10/10

MIRRORBALL:

ok so i did like this one on first listen, i loved absolutely everything on first listen, but it didn’t hit my top 5 until like 8 listens later, so it’s def a big grower and i think could be a huge fan fav by next year

the self-awareness in her writing will never fail to amaze me

the way that life is just performing...... yeah

but it’s crazy to me that a person could be like “i’m a compulsive people pleaser and performer and i’ll do anything to get ppl to like me” and that leads to “i am a disco ball” like ???? her brain is so big. it’s such a gorgeous metaphor.... and the circus imagery AHHHHH

best lyrics: “i’m still on that tightrope/i’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me/i’m still a believer but i don’t know why/i’ve never been a natural, all i do is try try try/i’m still on that trapeze/i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me” and “i can change everything about me to fit in”

10000/10

SEVEN:

this one simply rips my heart out

at first i was like oh this is so weird and then the chorus just would not leave my head

for me personally, nostalgia is literally 90% of my personality and just for so many personal reasons the thought of childhood ending and all of the growing pains that come along with that have been at the forefront of my psyche for the past year. so it just kills me whenever i find a song like this one and it kills me that taylor specifically has several songs about this topic and this is 100000% the best of them all. like it’s the most beautiful experience to have your thoughts and feelings and fears expressed so perfectly by a total stranger, and that’s rly what art is about and i love taylor for doing that for me and millions of other people

i just feel like this song brings up so many vivid beautiful memories of childhood for so many people, like being outside in the summer and screaming and being free. ugh

the pause after “i hit my peak at seven” before completing the phrase........ OOOOOOOOOF IT HITS TOO HARD

and sound-wise, just so off-beat and cool and unique

best lyrics: “i hit my peek at seven/feet in the swing across the creek” and “are there still beautiful things?” and “love you to the moon and to saturn/passed down like folk songs/the love lasts so long” and “before i learned civility/i used to scream ferociously/any time i wanted”

100000000000/10

AUGUST:

i knew immediately that this would be my favourite tbh like i could sense it the second it began

i wrote my first impression thoughts in my journal and you can tell the exact moment i got to the bridge bc i just started screaming sdnjksdkjsdn

i would 100% get a tattoo that said “to live for the hope of it all”

everything about this song is LITERALLY flawless like i have.......no notes......no thoughts.......it’s just an absolutely perfect song

best lyrics: “back when we were still changing for the better/wanting for was enough/for me it was enough/to live for the hope of it all" and “august sipped away like a bottle of wine/cause you were never mine”

100000000000000000000000000/10

THIS IS ME TRYING:

this song is rly good but i keep forgetting it exists omg :/ once i learn all of the lyrics i’ll appreciate her more

the strings are gorgeous

i was rly surprised that this one was done with jack instead of aaron just bc the bridge of this sounds SOOOO the national

these lyrics could be interpreted in so many different ways depending on the listener’s experiences and that’s beautiful

best lyrics: “i was so ahead of the curve/the curve became a sphere/fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here” and “it’s hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound/it’s hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you/you’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town”

10/10

ILLICIT AFFAIRS:

that soft high note on “down,” “stop,” etc is sooooo nice

i don’t have many thoughts on it, it’s just so soft, SOOOOOO gorgeous instrumentally and lyrically

best lyrics: “it’s born from just one single glance/but it dies and it dies and it dies/a million little times” and “don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby/look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/you showed me colours you know i can’t see with anyone else” and “you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else/and you know damn well/for you i would ruin myself/a million little times”

100000/10

INVISIBLE STRING:

like i said about tlgad, this is a nice little break from all the angst and pain and anger sdnjksdnskjsd just a sweet little break to remind u there are good things in the world too. so placed really well in the tracklist imo

super super super super cute chorus

so many pretty melodies

absolutely an autumn song btw

best lyrics: “time, mystical time/cutting me open, then healing me fine”

10/10

MAD WOMAN:

i literally lost my mind listening to this for the first time

i have such a thing for scorned women anthems like i will immediately love it whatever it is

the pure rage when she says “cause you took everything from me” gives me full body chills

it is just so eerie and haunting and perfect

best lyrics: “women like hunting witches too/doing your dirtiest work for you/it’s obvious that wanting me dead/has really brought you two together” and “every time you call me crazy i get more crazy/what about that?” and “good wives always know/she should be mad, should be scathing like me/but no one like a man woman”

1000000/10

EPIPHANY:

i find this one so hard to listen to but it’s absolutely beautiful and devastating and so heavily relevant for i think the whole world rn

the heart monitor and the trumpets tying both of the topics in together is so genius and so heartbreaking

i think will be the sygb of folklore where it makes everybody cry so much that it becomes a skip despite being a beautiful song

best lyrics: “something med school did not cover/someone’s daughter, someone’s mother” and “some things you just can’t speak about”

10/10

BETTY:

first of all THE HARMONICA

this made me so happy bc it’s just so debut and so fearless and it made me SOOOOO nostalgic on my first listen, because it really felt to me like i was getting to listen to a song from debut or fearless for the very first time again

it’s just so sweet and cute and simple and yet another very self-aware moment of looking back to her past material/subject matter

best lyrics: “would you have me? would you want me?/would you tell me to go fuck myself/or lead me to the garden?” and “i’m only seventeen, i don’t know anything/but i know i miss you”

10/10

PEACE:

the bass at the beginning is soooooo nice

this miiiiiight be the strongest song on the album lyrics-wise but idk yet

not much to say, it’s just so gorgeous

best lyrics: “i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm/if your cascade ocean wave blues come/all these people think love’s for show/but i would die for you in secret” and “would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” and “i talk shit with my friends, it’s like i’m wasting your honour”

10/10

HOAX:

i have a feeling this one will be underrated/underappreciated bc it’s just simple and dark and the last song, but this is....... a lyrical masterpiece

i feel like i need to be playing this on vinyl with all of the lights off and just a candle burning yknow, like there’s just something so dark and ancient about it

best lyrics: “my winless fight/this has frozen my ground” and “your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in/don’t want no other shade of blue but you/no other sadness in the world would do” and “you knew it still hurt underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark/darling this was just as hard”

10/10

OVERALL: 10000000000/10 literally one of the best albums i have ever heard and (while i wouldn’t put it past her to top it) absolutely the best work of her career. so complex and layered and emotional and painful and genuine and different. not to get ahead of myself but this is/should be considered her blue, her rumours, her abbey road....... god. can’t wait to listen to this album for the rest of my life and play it for my future children and just watch it live on as the greatest work of one of the most important artists of the 21st century

[zenosanalytic]

People What Aint From Round Here Is The Problem...

So I just watched Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood and I have THOUGHTS:

Ive read a few reviews&ruminations on this film at this point and I can’t believe that none of them got(or at least, mentioned explicitly) the primary thesis of this movie, spcl given that Tarentino flatly states it out the mouth of his primary protagonist within, like, the first 15-20mins of the film: “...most important thing in this town is when you’re making money you buy a house in town. You don’t rent... Hollywood real estate means you live here. You’re not just visiting, not just passing through. You fuckin live here.” i.e., the most important thing in Hollywood, to Hollywood, is the people FROM Hollywood; Everyone else is just a filthy, trouble-making tourist or profiteer who is “Passing Through” and “Doesnt Get It” and  “Is Fucking It Up”(It being the film industry), and probably “Secretly Hates Movies”. There are places and aspects of this movie that are basically a Nativist Angeleno rant, written by a life-long Angeleno film-nerd-turned-film-maker, against Hollywood’s critics(and his critics which he just totally conflates with the former), and probably non-Angelenos(and non-Californians?) in general.

There are two ways to read this thesis: Straight and Subverted/Satirized.

The evidence for reading it straight is pretty plentiful. Lots of reviews have puzzled at where the line connecting the constant hippie-bashing, the weird focus on knocking Polanski’s Polishness & preference for shooting in London, and the inexplicable pot-shot at Bruce Lee is, and I think this is it. “The Hippies” are repeatedly presented as a corrupting force: digging through trash, living in squalourous filth at the Spahn Ranch dragging members of “Old Hollywood” like its owner into it with them, selling drugs, and using sex to “control” men. And attached to this is presenting “The Hippies” as foreign; not only from another place, but refusing to assimilate with the LA way of life and hostile to it. The Manson family are the only explicitly identified “Hippies” in the film(other than, possibly, the one who sells Cliff an acid cig). The only “positive” portrayals of Bruce Lee in the film are silent ones of him teaching anglos kung fu, which has some fairly obvs and well-understood Implications.

But there’s also good evidence for reading it as subverted and satirized. Both Tate and Dalton are NOT from California, let alone LA, and Booth’s origins are left unclear. Dalton’s the only one of them explicitly id’d as being from elsewhere(Missouri), but Tate’s easy to google and she was a military kid who grew up all over the place. When Dalton returns from Italy, that sequence and his look in it are VERY reminiscent of the scenes introducing Polanski at the beginning of the film. The side-characters around Tate, perennially shown in a positive light, are also non-Angelenos. Doing Spaghetti Westerns revitalizes Dalton’s career, despite his disdain for Italian cinema. Tate and her crew, while not explicitly ID’d as “Hippies” and often shown in Mod and other fashion styles, are also presented in “Hippie” fashion, shown listening to “Hippie” music, smoking the “Hippie” Reefer(Im sorry, but Comedy Demanded this phrasing and I am Devout u_u), and implied to be living a polyamorous “Hippie” life.

It really is difficult for me to say which predominates. On the one entirely metaphorical hand, the ways in which Dalton’s Angeleno chauvinism are subverted and mocked are fairly obvs, but on the other emh, the film is FILLED with LITERALLY GLOWING nostalgia for this pre-Hippy, pre-Lefty, pre-70s, Conservative and Republican California&Los Angeles. Dalton’s focus on property-ownership&the film industry in the opening thesis could easily be seen as resolving these subversive contradictions to allow for a straight read(ie: Tate, Booth, and Dalton are “Hollywood People” who’ve both bought real-estate in LA, and who’ve grown up in film or film-adjacent fields and choose to center their adult lives in the film industry). So much, in fact, that I kinda started to wonder abt QT’s politics while watching it. And, if it WAS satirical, then what’s the point of the knock to Bruce Lee and focusing criticisms of Polanski on his Polishness and shooting in London? Is that just meant to characterize Dalton and Booth as nativists and racists?

It really cannot be said enough that there are REALLY MORE APPROPRIATE CRITICISMS to make of Polanski than 1)begin Polish, 2)possessing boyish effeminacy, and 3)preferring to shoot movies in London instead of LA. Which are this movie’s only problems with him(though it also takes the time to show him bitchily smoking a cigarette in an evening gown while being rude to a dog). Obvsl I dont object to villainizing an ACTUAL REAL LIFE VILLAIN like this shitstain, but I DO object to being asked(albeit gently) to participate in this film’s understated nationalist bigotry.

It’s possible that Cliff’s turning Pussycat down during the drive to the ranch was intended to be this but I highly doubt it. And if it was it’d be misrepresenting Polanski’s misdeeds enormously, considering that Pussycat, the too-young girl, is the sexual instigator in this film. Polanski liked to manipulate, drug, and rape underaged girls(he pulled the same shit with models in Europe before getting busted for it in LA, btw, then continued doing it after fleeing back to Europe); really not the same situation.

There’s another irony in that, while the film goes out of its way to call Polanski “boyish” and imply that makes him feminine and that this is Bad, there’s also a subtle under-current that... Tarentino sees himself in his youth the same way? He’s certainly never been short like Polanski and Jay Sebring are/were, QT’s 6 1, but the actors he cast to play them and the description made of the pair in-film are more than a bit reminiscent of how Tarentino looked&was discussed in the press back in the 90s when he was starting out. AAAaaand the film explicitly calls that Tate’s “Type”; leaving me with the question: would Tarentino be able to stop himself from implying a dead starlet would have been attracted to him? I leave the answer to your imaginations, Dear Readers u_u

Having said all that it IS a really good film, which I liked, I dont think it’d be very hard to set aside this political stuff while watching, the driving sequences are especially emotive&exhilarating, and there’s some seriously great acting in it. IDK if I’d say I liked it more than the recent Emma movie, tho.

I feel like each of the trio, Tate, Dalton, and Booth, were meant to symbolically Embody LA/Hollywood/California? Like Pitt especially seemed to be channeling movie characters and CJ from GTA: San Andreas throughout his performance, while I couldnt help but think of Ronald Reagan watching DiCaprio(spcl given the character’s likely politics). So there’s this sense in which the film is a fantasy of “Old Hollywood”, embodied by these three, Vanquishing its “Enemies”, represented by The Hippies(moralizing, pretentious, gross leftist) and potentially Polanski&Lee(foreign film ppl who refuse to integrate into the LA scene). Again, given the political history of Cali after this era, this embodiment raises some questions for me abt the film and QT’s politics(particularly in re: misogyny and feminism).

Also DiCaprio is totally going to get pitched a Reagan biopic off of this role and I sincerely hope he has the good sense to turn that shit the fuck down.

Circling back to the ranting at his critics, this movie was definitely and consciously a response to them. Like: up until the last 5-15 minutes of the film, and aside from a handful of too-lingering too fetishistic too on-the-nose creep shots of the female cast that Tarentino simply could not stop himself from making, OUATiH is precisely the sort of “Serious” film Tarentino’s critics have been saying he should make for decades now(of course he did Jackie Brown, which was that and which he blew Completely out of the park). And then there’s that bloody, gross-out, exploitation-movie ending. I dont actually think it was as bad as many critics were saying it was? For some reason I was thinking there was gonna be a massacre of the ENTIRE Manson family, which would have been totally out of left-field. But it WAS clearly a stinger of a major tone-shift thrown in as a Fuck You to the ppl who’ve called out his violent and exploitative preferences throughout the years. As for me I generally like his movies and think he’s a great filmmaker but he absolutely does go too far sometimes.

Rick Dalton, in an evening-gown, with a mixer full of iced-margarita in one hand, getting all up in the face of the driver of a loud exhaust-spewing jalope in his PRIVATE STREET was TOTALLY Tarentino himself :| By which I mean NOT ONLY that That’s ABSOLUTELY the sort of cameo he would have given himself 30 years ago and if it made any sort of sense at all in the film(which here it wouldnt have, obvsl), BUT ALSO that I feel 94% confident that Tarentino has actually done that at least once in his lifetime :| :|

I think the monologue&interactions T gives Bruce Lee leading up to the fight were probably more insulting to him than the fight itself. Contrary to popular discussion, it isn’t Pitt’s character totally trashing Lee, he gets in one good throw after Lee repeats a successful attack at his request(which I doubt Lee would have ever done from what little I know about him; not being predictable in a fight was his whole Deal), but rather an even duel between them(most of the fight is just the two blocking each others’ attacks). I dont think the film was trying to say “Lee was full of hot-air”, if it wanted to say that it’d have shown him getting trounced instead of showing him knock Booth down then trade him blow for blow, but more “Lee was pretty arrogant and a bit pretentious”.

OK, that’s abt all that I can think of right now: thanks for reading ^v^

[riarevenge]

1-24

1. spotify, soundcloud or pandora?

honestly apple music, spotify and soundcloud cos i use all three. used to be a heavy spotify girl but apple music converted me <3

2. is your room messy or clean?

i deep clean it 1-2 times a week so it’s CLEAN, but it’s messy whenever i’m working a lot like now

3. what colour are your eyes?

they’re a very boring shade of brown sadly :(

4. do you like your name? why?

not a huge fan of emilia but i LOVE valeria probably bc my grandad loved it and wanted it, and i love the nickname ria <3

5. what is your relationship status?

i have a bf :)

6. describe your personality in 3 words or less

tough, loyal, sarcastic/funny

7. what colour hair do you have?

dark dark brown

8. what kind of car do you drive? colour?

i don’t even have my license yet girl (soon) but i think my first car will be a trusty secondhand honda ❤️

9. where do you shop?

the corner shop is my safe haven bc that way i can chit chat to the owners 😭 we are however a tescos, asda and iceland home <3 (acc tbf there’s a couple other places but tesco<333333)

10. how would you describe your style?

street style, 90s, slutty, sexy bitch <3 thank u gn acc a drop of y2k in there at times

11. favourite social media account

@viboradivina 😮‍💨

12. what size bed do you have?

a queen!

13. any siblings?

2 younger half siblings

14. if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

now i’m not gonna go for liverpool cos obvs i will be a v successful doctor there hope yous are ready liverpool, but if i was rich maybe new york or boston uno to be closer to family

15. favourite snapchat filter?

the one that says “cute” all over your face for no good reason except i love the shadows/colours of the filter

16. favourite makeup brand(s)

if i could only pick one then it’s fenty

17. how many times a week do you shower?

1-2 times daily depending on what im doing, if my mental health is low it’s a bit different obvs <3

18. favourite tv show

criminal minds!!!! and law & order svu also acc you, house m.d and nurse jackie, friends for the fucking nostalgia

19. shoe size

4

20. how tall are you?

5’4/5’5

21. sandals or sneakers?

trainers any dayyyy

22. do you go to the gym?

yes :,)

23. describe your dream date

uno i’ve never really known this. just chilling, driving round, eating good food, good music js my vibe. i don’t think i have a dream date

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

i never have cash on me unless i’m in the US i’ll be honest HAHAHAH especially not now cos of covid

[phancystuff]

Trying to Remember How it Feels (To Have a Heartbeat) 5/7

Pairing: Dan/ Phil (Phan) Summary: Dan moves into a new apartment in London and, though it’s a step up from his old apartment, his landlord gives him strange warnings while he’s touring the place– something about the last renters leaving because of ghost sightings. But, Dan doesn’t believe in the supernatural. He quickly changes his tune when he meets Phil Lester, the ghost haunting his apartment. Well, if haunting means quickly becoming the best friend he’s ever had. (Title from Harry Styles’ song Two Ghosts) Notes: Part 5 of my Spooky Week Special, already?? This fic is almost 100% already written and I plan on updating it every day until Halloween. Please note that, although this fic has the warning of major character death, it is not in any way graphic. Tags/ Warnings: ghost au, Halloween, major character death (obv. it’s a ghost au lol), depictions of panic attacks, angst, fluff, HAPPY ENDING, mentions of suicide (it happens in a movie they watch)

Read it on AO3 Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four

“I died for a stupid reason. I lost out on all my chances in life because my landlord wrote off on an inspection that hadn’t been completed.” Dan closed his eyes, suddenly questioning whether or not he wanted to hear Phil’s cause of death. He had waited so long to find out, the question itching underneath his skin, ever since that night that Phil had exploded at Dan for asking. But now, Dan didn’t want Phil to say another word.

“Phil, please, you don’t have to-- I don’t want you to-- Phil…” Dan didn’t even know what he was trying to say, but Phil didn’t even glance at Dan.

“It started out with regular flu symptoms. I didn’t think anything of it for a couple days. But it didn’t get better. In fact, my flu started to get downright scary.” Phil looked beyond the lounge, eyes far away like he was imagining himself seven years ago. “I was often confused.” Phil let out a hollow laugh that grated again Dan’s skin. It sounded nothing like Phil’s laughs. It sounded nothing like his loud, long giggles when Dan did something funny. It sounded nothing like his low, intimate chuckles when they cuddled in bed. It sounded nothing like his hissing snickers when he was trying to stop himself from laughing. Phil had a hundred different laughs, but this was one that Dan never wanted to hear again.

“One day I found myself out on the balcony, sitting on the railing and looking down at the city.” Dan sucked in a harsh breath and held it, praying that Phil wasn’t about to say what Dan feared the most. “I had no idea how I got there. I’d lay in bed and my muscles would seize up and my vision would go back.” Dan breathed out shakily. “I called my mom and she urged me to see the doctor. I figured it could wait a day and so I scheduled the appointment and I--”

The monotone voice that Phil spoke with cracked. Dan watched as the mask on Phil’s face shattered and his face contorted with raw emotion. Phil choked back a sob and Dan pushed his palms into his closed eyes, feeling the back of his throat tighten and a few tears wet his palms. “I-I went to sleep.”

The flat was as silent as a tomb. Dan could hear the soft hum of the TV, indicating that it was still on. He could hear their neighbors having a distant, muted conversation. Dan wondered briefly what they were talking about. What to have for dinner, maybe. Definitely not how the other had died. Dan spoke the words that he intuitively knew were true, despite wanting to clap his hand over his mouth, over Phil’s mouth, and never return to this conversation again. “You never woke up?”

“I never woke up.” Phil agreed. There was a beat. “Carbon monoxide poisoning. The furnace was broken.” Dan was filled with anger, wanting to find the person responsible for Phil’s death. Dan wanted to find him and kill him.

Phil’s reaction to the movie suddenly made sense. Dan had brought him back to that place. He brought him back his death. Dan cried now, freely. He got down on his knees next to Phil and gathered him in his arms. “No one found my body for a week.”

“Oh, god, Phil.” Dan rocked the ghost, not caring that the Phil’s cheek was pressed painfully to the bare crook of his neck. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter anymore. Phil had been so alone in his death; he didn’t have to be alone ever again. Dan would make sure of it.

 “Ph-Phil, I’m so s-sorry. So sorry.” Sorry for the movie, sorry for the way Phil had died, sorry for how unfairly life had treated them both. Sorry that they hadn’t found each other, their soulmates, until death had claimed one of them. They both cried.

Dan wished that Phil had never told Dan how he died, because now Dan was plagued by the image of Phil, alone, watching his own body deteriorate for a week, waiting on someone to find him and relieve just a bit of his suffering.

***

It took three days of crying in each other’s arms for Dan and Phil to be able to pick themselves up again. Phil was distraught by the memories of his death, but Dan was downright inconsolable. He struggled to balance the conflicting images of Phil that wrestled inside his mind. Images of amazingphil smiling hugely into a camera, images of his Phil clutching his hand as they decorated for Halloween and danced to silly music, images of a decaying Phil lying motionless under a familiar green and blue duvet. Dan now understood the images of Phil in bed that Dan often saw when Phil was initially possessing Dan’s body. Dan had been unknowingly watching Phil decaying in his own memories. These images haunted Dan. They kept him awake at night.

Dan tried to shake it off, like Phil had successfully done. It worked from the perspective of someone looking outside in, but Dan knew that those images were burned in his retinas forever.

“Let’s go out today, Phil.” Dan said, standing in the shower, scrubbing himself under the scalding water. It was too hot, making his skin pink and sensitive. He rubbed himself too hard, almost as if he was trying to rid himself of his own skin.

Phil sat on the toilet directly outside of the shower. He was reading a Stephen King novel on his iPad, but had wanted to keep Dan company. “Sure, ok. Where do you want to go?”

Dan hummed, rinsing soap out of his hair. “I want us to have a day of it. Go to breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Go to the movies, maybe. Visit a bookstore. I don’t know.” Dan spat out the watery bubbles that dripped into his mouth while talking. He just wanted to be distracted and he didn’t want to go out without Phil. He didn’t want to do anything without Phil, preferring to continue to put off his friends and make excuses to his mum.

Phil read another page before answering distractedly. “Sounds fun. It’s perfect that you woke up so uncharacteristically early.” Dan opened the shower curtain and flicked soap at Phil who screeched and held the iPad far away from his body, squawking about soap killing Apple products. Dan almost felt normal for the first time in a week.

Dan finished his shower, shutting the water off and climbing into the chilly air of the bathroom. Phil looked up from his iPad, eyeing Dan up and down. “Nice bod, mate.” Dan would have blushed deeper if he hadn’t taken such a hot shower, wrapping a towel around his waist instead.

“Shut up, creep. You probably use your ghostly powers for pervy stuff, mate .” Dan grabbed another towel and rubbed his hair dry.

Phil cupped his chin in the palms of his hands and looked at Dan with his head cocked. “Believe it or not, I tried very hard not to use my ghostly powers for pervy stuff. It seemed nonconsensual and yucky.” He tapped a finger on his cheek and watched a drop of water slide down Dan’s chest and into the edge of his towel. “But, you can consent.”

Dan whipped the towel in his hands at Phil, admonishing the ghost boy. Phil just laughed and followed Dan into his bedroom where Dan dressed for their day out. Dan tried to run his fingers through his hair to tame the bush that seemed to grow out of his scalp, but quickly gave up and just laid on the bed. He looked up at Phil and sensually whispered, “enter me.”

A surprised laugh exploded out of Phil’s lips and it was his turn to admonish the living boy with a “Daniel!” Dan giggled back. Phil gingerly placed himself on top of Dan and quickly let go of his physical manifestation. He sunk into Dan’s body and allowed himself to enjoy the honeyed life that washed over his consciousness. Phil watched the images of Dan’s life flash through his head like he was watching a pleasing TV show. Everything was tinged golden.

Meanwhile, the images that Dan was subjected to were a lot more meaningful, ever since having the conversation with Phil about his death. He understood what he was looking at when he watched Phil lie motionless on his bed. Usually Dan was able to protect himself with mental armor; he found that, this time around, he couldn’t keep himself from feeling every one of Phil’s past emotions. Boredom, emptiness, loss, nostalgia, anger, bitterness, deep sadness. They came in such close succession and never-ending waves, that they all melded into one black cloud of gloom.

When Dan’s vision cleared at the familiar ceiling of his flat stared back at him, the black cloud was still lodged in his heart and he couldn’t even get the motivation to speak or register what Phil was using his eyes to look at.

“Dan? Helloooo, Dan?” Phil’s curious, slightly worried voice finally reached Dan’s ears.

Hmm? Sorry, what?

“Did you hear what I said?”

Uh, no. Sorry. 

“Are you ok? You sound a little shaken up.” Phil looked in the mirror in Dan’s bedroom and Dan’s concerned brown eyes stared back at him. It was a bit unnerving.

Yeah, I’m ok. Distracted, that’s all. What’s for breakfast? Dan tried to sound normal, but was nervous that he just sounded fake. If Phil noticed Dan’s strangeness, he didn’t comment on it.

Phil raised his eyebrow, “uh, pancakes, duh. Do you even know me, Daniel?”

Dan huffed out a laugh. You and your pancakes. You’re an addict!

“Hey, I could be going to do some cocaine. I do have full control over your body, right now.”

Yeah, but all these pancakes are going to make me pudgy.

Phil poked at his tummy, his finger sinking into Dan’s soft belly. “Good! You would look so cute. More pancakes, it is!”

Dan laughed past the dark feelings that continued to attack him, hoping it didn’t sound as hollow as it felt. Phil left the bedroom, grabbing a warm jacket. As he pulled it on, its downy material caressed his arms and Phil closed his eyes and hummed at the sensation. Phil was constantly amazed by how everything felt. He had taken it for granted when he was alive, so he noticed and categorized every single sensation when he borrowed Dan’s body. Phil could appreciate all feelings, but he especially loved soft things: chairs, cotton shirts, kittens, autumn breezes, Dan’s skin, Dan’s hair. Dan was his favorite soft thing.

Phil also picked up Dan’s keys, wallet, and the little bluetooth earphone that they had bought. Phil wore it in his ear when he was possessing Dan, so that they could have conversations. That way, Phil didn’t look too crazy, talking to himself on the street. Or at least as crazy as he could look.

Phil had pretty much been on a mission to find the best pancakes in London, ever since gaining the ability to possess Dan. He had discovered an American-style diner that served the fluffiest pancakes he’d ever had. He hailed a cab and directed the cabbie to the diner, fitting his bluetooth earphone into his ear so that he could talk to Dan.

“Hi, I’m on my way to the diner.”

I can see that, thanks for the update. Phil could hear the smile in his voice and Phil laughed.

“Don’t be cheeky.” There was a pause. “I wish we could eat together. I wish I could take you on a proper date.”

Oh yeah? Where would we go?

Phil rubbed his hands along the cab’s interior, feeling the slippery plastic and trying to memorize the feeling. He breathed in the car’s musty smell and decided he didn’t have to memorize that one, although he could still appreciate it. He would appreciate the smell of vomit, for chrissakes. Anyone would, if they suddenly could smell after seven senseless years. “I don’t know London very well, since I only lived here a couple weeks, before… you know.”

Yeah. Dan’s voice sounded quiet, sad, and distant. Phil hated it and almost wished he had never told Dan how he’d died.

“But!” Phil said brightly, trying to take Dan’s mind off of it, “I know Manchester pretty well. I think I would take you to the Wheel of Manchester and we would kiss at the very top of it and I would cuddle you close because it’s cold up there.” Dan didn’t have the heart to tell Phil that the Wheel had been closed for a couple years now.

“Then, we’d go to the Sky Bar. It’s really high up and you can see the whole city stretched out below you. I would pay for your meal and we would have fancy drinks while watching the sunset. There would probably be more kissing.” Phil took a moment to picture it. Dan’s silhouette against the blazing backdrop. Phil holding both Dan’s hands in the middle of the table, rubbing his thumb over Dan’s knuckles. The pinks, purples, and oranges bathing Dan’s soft face in color. Phil would lean over the table and softly touch his lips to Dan’s. They would be pillowy and warm and so would Phil’s. There would be no stab of cold. Both of them would feel alive and warm and happy.

Dan had asked Phil to kiss him multiple times and, every time, he had refused. He wasn’t going to hurt Dan like that and there was no way he was going to cover either of their faces to take part in an unnatural kiss that would just leave them both unsatisfied.

It sounds perfect, Phil. I would be wooed.

Phil looked out the window wistfully and watched the chaos of London. He imagined that Dan was next to him in the car, instead of inside his head. “Yeah, I’m pretty charming.” The cabbie snorted, hiding it with a cough, and Phil remembered himself. “Well, um, I’m going to go now. I’m almost to the diner.”

Almost to those thicc pancakes.

Phil whispered, “lemme see that pancussy” and Dan was laughing loudly in his head. Phil just hoped that the cabbie didn’t hear him.

At the diner, at Dan’s insistence, Phil ordered their tallest stack of chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream on top. The waiter brought him a cup of coffee while he waited and Phil took a sip, reveling in the deep taste that blanketed his tongue. Bitter, sweet, rich. “Coffee, Dan.”

Coffee, Phil? Dan asked. Phil could hear the fondness in his voice.

“Coffee.” Phil set the cup down and inhaled. There were so many wonderful smells swirling around him. The warm, cozy smell of greasy food. Coffees and other hot drinks. The smell of people: shoes, soap, and sweat. When Phil’s pancakes came, he tucked into them. He couldn’t help but shovel in mouthfuls of fluffy cake, taking stock of every note that swirled and danced over his tastebuds. Phil mumbled to Dan, describing the tastes, despite the fact that Dan definitely knew what pancakes tasted like. Phil always found himself likening tastes to memories he had from his life. These pancakes tasted like the time that Phil and his first girlfriend had kissed. Sickly sweet, soft, fluffy. Dan, as always, listened and laughed fondly at Phil.

“Excuse me?” Phil was suddenly aware of a presence at his elbow. He turned and saw a teenaged girl with dark skin and equally dark eyes.

“Oh! Hello!” Phil smiled warmly. He had no idea why this girl was talking to him, but he appreciated the ability to talk to people again. Since he had mostly talked to Dan, cashiers, cabbies, and servers, he was always excited to strike up conversation with a stranger.

It’s a fan, probably, Dan informed him.

“Ohhh,” Phil replied and then shut his mouth tight, realizing that the sudden outburst didn’t make a whole lot of sense to the young girl standing in front of him.

Thankfully, she didn’t seem to notice. Anxiously, she fluffed her hair. “Um, are you Daniel Howell? From YouTube?”

Phil hopped up from his seat and extended his hand toward the girl. “Yep! That’s me.” They shook hands and Phil’s eyebrows furrowed. She probably wanted a hug, not a weird handshake. It was too late to change, now. “It’s good to meet you!”

She smiled nervously, “it’s really good to meet you too. I’ve loved your recent videos. Um, can I have a selfie?” Phil agreed and took the picture with the fan, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and smiling brightly. He hoped that he was looking the part of Dan. The man in question had become quiet in his head, which Phil appreciated. If Dan had coached him, he probably would have just gotten more nervous. The girl swiped at her phone and smiled at the screen. “It’s a nice photo. Thank you! I’ll, uh, leave you to your breakfast.”

Phil smiled again, hoping he didn’t look manic. “You’re welcome. It was good to meet you!” Phil sat, letting out a relieved sigh. He muttered softly to Dan, “that was kinda weird.”

Nah, you played the part of socially awkward Dan pretty well. At least you spoke with my voice and not yours. Phil nodded and finished his breakfast and paid the bill. He purposely spoke to people around London with Dan’s voice, in case someone recognized him. It would be hard to explain why Dan suddenly had a deeper, more Northern voice.

The more Phil thought about the occurrence with the fan, the more uncomfortable he felt. They were kind of lying to her, weren’t they? She wasn’t really meeting Daniel Howell, just his body. It was kind of creepy, actually. She had unknowingly had a conversation with a ghost. And the photo. Phil didn’t want even want to think about what the photo looked like. Probably like someone was wearing a Dan mask. Later, when Phil was walking the short distance to a nearby bookstore, he voiced his concerns to Dan.

“Isn’t it kind of creepy?” The person walking past him looked at Phil alarmed. Phil tapped against the bluetooth earphone, trying to indicate a phone call to the person walking down the sidewalk.

I don’t think so. I mean, I was still in here. You said everything I would have said. She doesn’t need to know that it wasn’t exactly me she was talking to. You worried too much about this stuff. You and your morals.

Phil shrugged, then realized that Dan couldn’t see the movement. “I guess. It just made me feel kinda dirty.”

It would only be dirty if you, like, masturbated while you were in my body.

Phil choked. “That’s, that’s got nothing to do with our current conversation. What the hell!”

***

The day progressed and Phil eventually forgot about his interaction with Dan’s fan. Instead, he focused on his first full day exploring London. They went to Starbucks after the bookstore (It’s a bit corporate, isn’t it? “I need to try a seasonal drink! Pumpkin spiced latte, here I come!”). Phil sat by the window and people-watched, while sipping a latte that reminded him of carving pumpkins with his family. They checked out a couple of comic book stores with hilariously nerdy names (Orc’s Nest, that’s incredible.) and made fun of the silly mangas and obscure graphic novel genres (“Dan, Dan, Dan this is the ‘paranormal romance’ genre. It’s literally us.” Oh my god, someone understands.).

Dan directed Phil into overpriced clothing shops and made Phil try on clothes, which Phil complained about, but actually enjoyed. It was fun to feel the fabrics and put on actual clothes. It wasn’t like changing his appearance or wearing Dan’s clothes when he was a ghost. Those clothes didn’t feel like anything. They were simply a means to an end. In Dan’s body, Phil noticed the differences between cotton, silk, denim, and polyester on his skin. He noticed the weight of the clothing and how it brushed against his skin when he walked around. Plus, it was an excuse to touch Dan’s body and unabashedly appraise how the clothes hung on him. Phil tried on sweaters, button-ups, ripped jeans, shorts, suits, sweatpants, a lot of leather items. Dan and Phil joked back and forth as they always did, making inappropriate comments and giving each other compliments. It was the most fun either of them had clothes shopping.  

However, Dan couldn’t quite shake the uneasiness that followed him throughout the whole day. He still hadn’t been able to get rid of the emotions that bombarded him when Phil had possessed him that morning. While they were shopping, Dan felt really weak, despite the fact that he didn’t have a physical body. It was harder to talk to Phil; he had to work hard to send his thoughts over to Phil’s conscious mind. It was like there was a barrier to push through. Dan also swore that the edges of his vision were blurry. He kept telling himself that he was imagining things, though. He had sort of dealt with these symptoms in the past; they were probably worse because Phil had been possessing him for so long. Dan just ignored them and enjoyed the day with Phil.

As a joke, Phil bought Dan a pastel pink jumper that made his face look adorably soft. (Phil, if you haven’t noticed, I kind of don’t wear pink. “What? I hadn’t noticed! This is embarrassing.” Oh, shut up. I’m never wearing it.)

Phil was having the time of his life. He ducked into every shop and cafe, often just to look. He smiled and struck up conversation with every friendly person along the way. He pet all the dogs that walked by him and stopped to stare at tall buildings, weird sculptures, and different cloud formations in the sky. Dan watched, content to be quiet and enjoy Phil’s childlike wonder.

Dan didn’t start feeling really weird until halfway through the movie that he convinced Phil to go see. It wasn’t that hard to convince Phil, really. The only thing that had made him hesitate was the fact that the Blade Runner sequel was almost three hours long (“I dunno, Dan, a movie like that requires some mental preparation.” Come on, I’ll bet you miss the cinema.)

But, at the halfway point of the movie, it was Dan who was wishing that the film wasn’t so damn long. Dan watched in mild panic as his vision blurred and darkened, like someone was covering his eyes in a black, translucent film. Do you see that? Dan asked, distressed and hoping that it was just a movie effect.

“Hmm? See what?” Phil whispered, distracted. A fellow moviegoer shushed Phil immediately. “Sorry,” Phil apologized sheepishly to the disgruntled woman sitting next to them. “I can’t really talk right now, Dan.”

Dan’s vision cleared and the screen was bright again. If Dan could blink, he would do it several times to clear his head. Ok, ignore me. It was nothing.

But, it wasn’t “nothing.” And it came back. And it seemed to get worse throughout the movie. With it, came an aching that was much like a headache… but that was impossible, since Dan didn’t have a head at the moment. And then, terrifyingly enough, the black film over his vision stopped going away. Instead, it began to get more opaque. It was almost as if Dan was going unconscious in slow motion. Each time Dan went to alert Phil, Dan brushed it off and decided not to alarm the ghost. After the movie, Dan would just ask Phil to head home so that he could have his body back. Dan wasn’t about to ruin what Phil was constantly describing as “the best day of his life.”

But, Dan didn’t get the chance to make his request. Phil left the movie and talked to Dan animatedly about the plot, gesticulating his hands. And Dan couldn’t reply. He couldn’t force a single word through the invisible barrier that seemed to get thicker and thicker. Before Dan knew it, he was looking out and seeing nothing but vague shapes in a black mire.

“Wow, I hadn’t realized how much I missed going to the cinema. It’s such an experience-- and the cinema has gotten so much better since 2010. How is that even possible? The sound is so immersive and the quality! God, the quality.”

Phil. Phil something’s wrong. Dan tried to communicate, but found himself wholly unable to make Phil hear. The ghost continued to talk, energized about the movie. Phil? Phil! PHIL! Dan’s vision went completely black and then his hearing started to go. It was like he was plunged underneath water. Phil’s voice was wobbly and muffled. Dan could vaguely make out his own name in Phil’s mouth. Dan was fully panicking now. Without vision or hearing, what would tether him to reality?

And just like that, Dan’s world was empty. He could see nothing, feel nothing, hear nothing. And then, he was having a hard time forming thoughts. Eventually, all that was left was an emotion, or rather several thousand emotions. All belonging to Phil and filling Dan with the rawest feeling of dread that he distantly hoped he would never feel again.

***

Dan was gone. Phil looked wildly around the park that he had stumbled in, as if he would find Dan hiding among the bushes. One minute, Phil had been pleasantly rambling about Blade Runner. Dan hadn’t been responding to Phil’s observations… but Phil had just thought that Dan was more contented to just listen to Phil rant.

But then, Phil had grown anxious when Dan didn’t answer Phil’s outright questions. At first, Phil was worried that Dan was angry with him. The anxiety morphed into outright panic when Dan didn’t even answer when Phil started to call his name in an increasingly desperate voice. Phil knew that it was something much worse than Dan simply being angry with him.

Now, Phil was yelling Dan’s name frantically. Dan was gone. Phil had forced Dan out of his own body, without even noticing it was happening. Phil scrubbed his hands through his hair. Dan’s hair. Fuck, Phil should have never used Dan like this. He thought of the fan that he had met and taken a picture with. He thought about Dan being so lethargic after Phil had possessed him the other day. Phil felt sick. He swallowed back bile that was rising up his throat. He should have never done this.

Phil breathed in slowly, realizing that yelling Dan’s name was doing nothing to help the situation. He had to think fast. He needed to dosomething. Phil needed to remove himself from Dan’s body and quick. He didn’t want to waste a single second wondering what would happen if he didn’t.

Phil ripped himself from Dan’s body. At first, it felt like all the other times that he had removed himself after possession. There was the overwhelming sense of numbness washing over him, that almost felt comforting this time around. But then, Phil was burning. He didn’t know how, because he didn’t have a physical body, but he was burning. There was fire licking around his non-corporeal form; there had to be. He screamed in agony.

Phil couldn’t leave the flat unless he was possessing Dan. That had been one of the first things that he had discovered upon waking up as a ghost. He had attempted to leave the flat the morning he woke up and separated from his physical body. There hadn’t been any pain when he tried to leave, he just couldn’t. It was like there was an invisible rope tethering Phil to the flat. When he tried to leave, he could sense the tether stretching and refusing to break. But, there was no pain.

But this, this was pain. It was physical, mental, emotional fire. If Phil had skin, there would be nothing left of it. There wasn’t room in his head for a single thought other than agony. Phil’s vision was a blinding, searing white.

It felt like an eternity of pain, but it must have only been a millisecond and then it was all over and Phil was back at the flat.

He only had a few moments where Phil enjoyed the relief that replaced the pain. He felt a deep exhaustion that he had never known. It was worse than when he was alive and tried to go to the gym and was worked so hard by the personal trainer that he had vomited. It was worse than that one time that his family had gone on holiday to ski and Phil’s every muscle ached from being on the mountain all day. It was worse than that time in uni when he stayed away for 30 hours, trying to finish an essay. It was worse than after the first time he had accidentally possessed Dan and could only muster out the message that he didn’t have enough energy to manifest himself.

Dan. Phil remembered Dan. How could he have forgotten about Dan? Dan’s body was back in some fucking park. Phil didn’t even know if there was an ounce of Dan left in that body. Phil couldn’t get back to him, could he? Dan was going to fucking die there and it would be all Phil’s fault.

Phil had no energy left, but he had to try… something. Anything to save Dan. Phil pushed past the feeling of utter exhaustion and emptiness that filled him. He concentrated on what he wanted. He wanted to find Dan and help him. He pictured Dan in his mind’s eye. Dan lying on the dead autumn grass, passed out. People gathering around Dan, worried. Someone feeling Dan’s pulse and calling 999. Phil thought about Dan in general. Dan reading in bed. Dan gripping an xBox controller in his hands. Dan speaking into a camera in his “video” voice. Dan hugging Phil. Dan looking at Phil fondly, love filling his eyes. Dan giving Phil the world. Selfless, beautiful, loving Dan. A spike of raw power coursed through Phil and his vision exploded in a sheet of overwhelming white for the second time that day.

Phil pictured his tether, even though he knew it was something that didn’t exist in this physical reality. Still, he imagined a rope. It was black and embedded deep in Phil’s ghostly skin. Phil imagined pulling at it. He could feel the pull; it wasn’t just in his head. Phil concentrated every ounce of energy pulsing inside him, on this single desire.

Eventually, he stopped thinking about the rope or Dan laying in the park. His thoughts just became a litany of “Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan. Please, don’t take Dan from me. Don’t let Dan die because of me. Don’t let Dan miss out on his life because he tried to share it with me. Dan, Dan, please. Please.”

There was a shift. Phil could feel it in the air. He felt a tug, a realignment. A break. Something clicking into place.

Phil blinked and looked around. White cleared slowly from his vision. He was in his familiar ghostly body, despite the fact that he hadn’t purposefully manifested himself. He recognized trees and grass and, he looked down on the ground, Dan! Phil didn’t spare a single second wondering what the fuck had just happened. He dove down and pressed his fingers to Dan’s pulsepoint. Phil was frozen in place, trying to sense Dan’s heartbeat. And, then, yes, he could feel the echo of a weak thump in his ghostly body. Dan was lukewarm, rather than his usual scorching. Phil had stolen the life out of Dan’s body. His face was a sickly grey and his eyes were shut gently.

“Fuck, Dan. Can you hear me?” Phil gripped either side of Dan’s face. He lifted one of Dan’s eyelids. His eyes were rolled back into his head and Phil gasped. Dan’s chest was slowly rising and falling. He had no idea if Dan was even in there, but his physical body was still alive. That was enough for now.

Phil didn’t waste time. He barely even registered that the park was deathly quiet and there wasn’t a single soul around them. He tried to ignore the fact that, by touching Dan, he was just making him colder. Sucking out what little life Dan still clung to. But Phil had to get Dan back to the flat. He slipped his arms underneath Dan’s neck and the back of his knees. Phil closed his eyes and concentrated on the flat. He pictured Dan’s bedroom. White walls, fairy lights, black and white duvet. Where they first met. Where they first touched. Where they first confessed their love for each other. Phil could transport himself, of course, but he had no idea about if it would work while holding Dan. All Phil could do was hope and concentrate, focusing his remaining and quickly draining energy on what he needed to do in order to save Dan.

Phil didn’t know if he believed in a higher power. Or magic. Or the supernatural. He didn’t know what governed his life or his afterlife. But whatever it was, he prayed to it now: please, please, please, please.

Part six

[mostlysnowing]

hi these pictures are for ants but i was just looking through my listening history on last.fm over the last five years and lmao. i’m gonna’ talk about it to myself bc i want to take a nostalgia trip. idk if any of you can relate lets gooooo i wrote a wall of text 

2011: first of all. my indie phase is missing somehow. i don’t know if it was 2010 or they didn’t count but honestly that whole thing deserves recognition. two door cinema club / foals / we are scientists / mgmt ahhhhhhhhhhh. i remember i become an indie poser bc i wanted to impress one of my crushes at the time lmao what up dalila. but i really did get into it and it probably shaped a lot of what i listen to today. 

but let’s be real. it was also the start of my scene phase. we got the classics all right here folks. i was a HUGE of mice fan for a long time. nothing really stands out since i’m sure it’s a rise records cringe core playlist up in here. altho dgd sneaking in there :’)  most listened to song: the amazing atom by at the skylines. it’s still a banger what can i say

2012: i looooooved teenage scream. and that’s a 100% why that’s outrageous is there even tho they aren’t even that popular. such a good album tho!! i like the transition to super good music like hands like houses and let live. both had amazing albums. shout out to coyote theory. you guys never did work out but i did love your ep so much. of mice disappearing is pretty amazing but i really didn’t fuck with anything other than their self titled special mention to a bunch of emo bands that barely didn’t make it like la dispute and touche amore. surprisingly crystal castles and cold war kids are hanging in there pretty well too. also probably one of my first rap artists to be in my top 30ish is mac miller lmao. kinda embarrassing but it was sort of my late night starcraft album as weird as that sounds most listened to song: vibe by coyote theory. seriously underrated!!!!

2013: dance gavin dance is here. i got super into them around this time. i think my habit of calling dgd and hlh my first and second fav bands ever started around this time. my love for baao started around then (wow thought this was more recent tbh) my dgd love showing even more since tilian made the list and jonny craig solo was #11 i think. tilian won out bc he had a super solid album and for jonny it was mostly just loosies i think. great year. 

shoutouts to strawberry girls and death cab coming pretty close to making the list. strawberry girls was my study music and i went through a resurgence in my death cab phase. nothing especially weird around this point tbh  most listened to song: paddington frisk by enter shikari great song obvs but its a mnute long so it shouldn’t really count. the lives we live by jonny craig comes in second which should be the real winner tbh. it was my go to song to introduce people to god. 

2014: more jonny craig love with slaves taking the top. i remember listening to starving for friends on repeat for days. pvris came into my life around here as well thank u god. everythings pretty normal except for jennifer rostock right?? i had a friend from germany at this time and the band is actually super good. they had some screamy parts even tho it was a rock band for the most part but there were some (really catchy songs) ayy i remember learning how to scream a bit in german to go along with one of the songs. elenora is super underrated btw i loved their album. 

special shoutouts would go to ariana grande and versa! ariana’s second album was my jam. i mostly listened to heavy-ish stuff around this time and it was my go to when i needed some chill bops. versa gets a shoutout bc of my eternal crush on sierra. nothing too weird about 2014 i think. most listened to song: starving for friends by slaves. duhhh ISLES AND GLACIERS 2 WHERE!??

2015: drake?? blackbear???? halsey???? no regrets all three are amazing and my evolution into a teenage white girl was in full effect. but no jokes tho blackbear is still one of my favs and i had too many halsey sing alongs ahhhhh but yes so glad i listened to enough camping in alaska for them to get on here. SO GOOOD. because the internet meant childish gambino got on. probably my first rap love tbh i know i’m very basic lmao. ttng is such a solid band too. palisades had such a cringey album but i loved that too

shoutouts to a lot of emo bands that are around 10-20. i love u guys too  also for a fact i listened to a lot of j cole’s 2014 forest hills drive but i know for a fact it didn’t count since i used to listen to it on my phone mostly. i think it was my favourite album of the year most listened to song: on the run by dance gavin dance :’) 

2016: T H E  T R I L O G Y THO!!!!!!!!!!!! i’ve heard echoes of silence ages ago and loved it but for some reason never followed up on any of the weeknd’s other stuff. guys i fucking died when i heard house of balloons. if i’m allowed to count trilogy as one project then it’s my favourite album ever easily (but since that’s cheating i’ll say house of balloons is top 5 for sure) also yes. it’s all rnb and hip hop. i think a lot of things happened in 2016 and i wanted a change bc there was bad nostalgia in a lot of the stuff i listened to and i slowly started on a lot of this stuff anyways the last year so it was a nice change to change things up. trap soul was great. rodeo was album of the year probably. TORY LANEZ CRUEL INTENTIONS MIXTAPE IS THE BEST ALSO. 

dance gavin dance i will never forget you and you’ll forever be my favourite band i’m so sorry you’ve been relegated to #14. the internet is also an amazing band and was so close to making top ten,  most listened to song: free by 6lack. loved it. also just wanted to say initiation by the weeknd was 2 and grey l.a by blackbear was 3. deserved tbh 

2017: early predictions are a lot of rnb at the top, a lot lot more emo stuff filling up the bottom ten i think 

[punskiii]

tagged by @schattenlurch

Rules: tag 9 people you would like to get to know better

Relationship status: ssssinglee

Favorite color(s): secondary colours for some reason (spesifically lime green, amber and plum colorurs)

Pets: two dogs (border collies) Kaizer and Volbeat, two cats; Balder and Tyson and a lamb i got to name Kent/Boy (since they shared bdays)

Last song listened to: I’ve been listening to three songs on loop lately so i’ll mention them all cuz i’m obv. such a hardcore rebel; 17 Crimes by AFI , Wonderland by Caravan Palace , and Rebel Yell by Billy Idol.

Favorite Tv show: Skins, Game of Thrones, SKAM and uhhh... The Walking Dead? can’t come up with anything else i don’t watch a lot of series... Stranger Things too i guess even though that only airs on netflix

First Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn (still very lowkey in it for nostalgia sake lmao)

Hobbies: art, reading, listening to music and writing

tagging:

@mrdouggers144 @dokurochrome @roleplayingspinosaurus @shareyourteawithme @ushibaka-chan and uhhh anyone else that wants to tell me these things about themselves?? yeah

do or don’t :)